The importance of workplace civility

Civility matters to us. When we are treated with rudeness, with a lack of respect and civility it eats away at us, and we can find ourselves spending a huge amount of time and energy trying to work out why the person in question has treated us in the way that they have. This can lead us to worry, to withdraw, be distracted, be less cooperative, more guarded, less inclined to help and speak up, to participate, communicate and collaborate – that’s bad for us and bad for business.

In fact, civility matters so much to us that there are entire organisations whose sole work and purpose is to raise standards of workplace civility, because the reality is that it has been getting worse. A culture of incivility is a culture of disrespect and mistrust, and it lays the foundations of the toxic workplace. Incivility leads to a decline in performance, productivity, engagement, and wellbeing.

We should not underestimate the importance of courtesy and just being polite, considerate, and civil towards each other.

It matters.

I do not hold with the argument that people sometimes make when they are trying to justify rudeness, intolerance, and disrespect. It’s usually along the lines of, “This is a high-pressure environment, and we don’t have time for niceties or being polite. We need to get things done quickly, and people need to toughen up and stop taking things so personally, we are in a crisis!”

The trouble with that approach is that it just doesn’t work for most people. It can lead them to feeling disrespected, doubtful, unsafe, fearful, and unsure of whether to adopt a fight, freeze or flight strategy. My experience is that people often choose freeze and then flight in these circumstances. They stop sharing their thoughts, opinions, and ideas. They keep their head down and go along with the majority view even if they have reservations. You can understand why they would do that. If an environment does not feel safe for us personally, we are likely to travel the path of least resistance and exit that situation a soon as possible. The trouble is that all our ideas, opinions and suggestions go with us. The leader and the wider team miss out on these, which can lead to less diversity of thought, less creativity, innovation, and learning.

I have often coached people who are dealing with the aftermath of that exact type of situation. I can share with you that they don’t feel great, and it can really knock their confidence and self-esteem, no matter how senior they are. On occasion I have worked with whole teams who have felt like that, and it can take a great deal of hard work on everyone’s part to rebuild trust and confidence in the leader and with their colleagues. Rudeness is not an effective leadership approach, and worse when rudeness is tolerated, it tends to be replicated (it’s contagious) and can soon become a standard characteristic of the workplace culture. Rudeness leaves a legacy and people can begin to view rudeness as a legitimate approach to getting stuff done and so modify their behaviour accordingly - hello toxic workplace!

I have also worked in a few of those same high pressure, crisis environments which were nonetheless characterised by civility, listening, empathy and respect. Conversations were direct, certainly, and that was fine, that was necessary, as was ensuring that people felt safe to speak up and have their say, to disagree, and to give their opinion without fear of negative repercussions. The environment could be described as open, honest, and constructive. People knew they would be spoken to directly and with candour. However, people also knew they would be heard and responded to appropriately and respectfully. They knew their contribution was expected and valued, as it led to the group making better, safer, and more informed decisions. People were confident that their contribution would not in some way be dismissed, ridiculed, and disrespected. Even within this high-pressure environment there was a sense of fairness and respect. People felt included, and interpersonal relationships were strong enough to withstand the pressure. Trust levels were high and individuals were self-aware and respectful enough to communicate constructively and with civility.

They understood how rudeness and incivility leads to poor performance, poor decision making and people suffering.

They understood that civility matters.

They understood that we can respond to tough situations without having to ‘act tough.’

They understood that it is an act of leadership to treat other people with respect.