I don’t know about you, but I struggle with this - my desire to achieve ‘perfect’ has on many occasions ended up with me being in a bit of a mess, and by ‘mess’ I mean feeling some or all of the following:

anxiety, overwhelmed, disappointed, stuck, defensive, incapable, hesitant, intimidated, inferior, fear, embarrassed, disheartened, inadequate….

That is a lengthy list I hear you say. Well, I said that I ended up in a mess.

This was driven by my own imposter syndrome, which was for many years my constant companion, continually whispering in my ear entirely unhelpful (and unfounded) comments such as: you are not good enough, you are getting it wrong, you are not enough, your work is sub-standard, ‘they’ are going to find out that you don’t know what you are doing, so work harder, do more, achieve more, make it perfect – then ‘they’ won’t find you out.

To counter my feelings of being an imposter, I held myself to impossibly high standards. Standards that were not required, not necessary, useful or of value. I was not creating any more value by striving for perfection and I never achieved it anyway. To be honest, I never had any real idea what perfect was and I am sure that if I had even become close to it, I would have reset it to an even higher unobtainable standard, triggering all those negative feelings once again that I have described above. It was a race that I could never win, and if I had got close to the line, I would have tripped myself up to ensure that I didn’t cross it.  I often ended up in self-sabotage mode.

My quest for perfect was getting in the way. It became a source of significant interference, impacting negatively on my performance, productivity, wellbeing, and relationships.

What a state to have got into. I was teetering on the edge of burnout.

Whilst I have undertaken, and continue to do, the required personal development work, and have put in the hard yards to minimise that sense of being an imposter and to bring myself back from the edge, I would be lying if I said that I have jettisoned my unhelpful companion completely. He still shows up now and then, annoyingly, and hangs around until I have paid attention to the fact that he is there, acknowledged him, walked (metaphorically) alongside him for a while, tried to understand why he has showed up and what he is trying to teach me, and then have gently but assertively moved him on so I can get on with my day.

My first step is to pause, take a mindful moment, breathe, and show myself some compassion.

My second step, always, is to speak up and share how I feel with my coach, accountability partner or trusted friend. Someone who I know will listen to me with empathy and no judgement. I no longer try to go it alone. I know that doesn’t work. I just end up feeling lonely.

On one occasion a friend and mentor simply said to me, “Steve, it’s about progress, not perfection.”  Now, for some of you that may not sound very profound, but for me, at that time, it got to the heart of the matter, and from that point onwards things began to improve. I realised that striving for excellence is one thing, if you are fortunate enough to know what excellence really looks like, but perfection, no, count me out. Striving for that has not served me or others well.

I have also realised that sometimes good enough is good enough (I never thought I would be comfortable acknowledging that!) and that, as leaders, we need to have the discernment, perspective, and wisdom to know when ‘good’ is enough and when something more might be required and why.

In a world as volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous (VUCA) as ours, can we really expect perfection of ourselves, or anyone else for that matter? If we can come to accept this, fully, then perhaps, progress and continual improvement rather than perfection becomes our goal.

Steven Hargreaves is the founder and director of ‘The Compassionate Leadership Company’.  His first book ‘The Compassionate Leader’s Playbook’ is due to be published in October 2021.